Things Left Unsaid

A couple weeks ago I wrote an entry about how I had to come to terms with the fact that my friendship with someone isn't what it used to be. Those feelings weren't actually expressed to that person, because... Damnit he was ignoring me. We got into an argument and he was ignoring me, because his "pride level is up there and I didn't wanna talk to you until I felt ready and my temporary grudge was gone." Fair enough. Silly to me, but I'll let him have it.

Anyway that's not what this is really about. I got a package in the mail from him today. My belated birthday present. Earlier I had gotten a text from him asking if I got the package and a simple sorry. Listen, I'm a girl, I need to talk about my feelings okay? So, I couldn't just say thank you. I had to let him know exactly how I felt about the situation and he did the same.

After we got that out of the way I proceeded to tell him that our friendship isn't what it once was. I said that I was tired of being in these friendship where I was putting in more than I was getting. We just aren't best friends anymore. He said we grew apart and things haven't been the same. He also said "the only reason why I chilled with you those times was because I knew that you are a good friend and you would never fuck me over..." It really hurt when he said that, because he made it sound like hanging out with me was an obligation. But I can't be mad at him for being honest.

I really thought I had come to terms with this weeks ago, but hearing confirmation from him is like a fresh wound all over again. It feels like a break up. I guess it sort of is.

-Ashley