Say You Will

A while ago I wrote a post talking about how I felt people were insensitive to my feelings. Well this is a continuation of that...

Last night a friend of mine called me to vent about her frustrations and she started crying. Before comforting her I selfishly thought "See, this is what I'm talking about! Who can I call crying?! Nobody!" But after I got off the phone with her I really started to reflect. Every single one of my friends has at one point or another used me as a shoulder to cry on. I love that and feel honored that I'm the one they feel they can trust. I'm always there for someone when they need me, but there is always that little voice in the back of my head that is thinking that I don't have someone to be there for me.

I always felt that people are oblivious that I have real feelings and do get hurt sometimes. But then I thought when have I ever let anybody see that side of me? I've never really shared my heartache with anybody and when I do I tend to down play it. I'm a pretty chatting person, and tend to tell people every detail of my life, but when it comes to something that's bothering me I keep it to myself. I realized last night that I've never given anyone the opportunity to be there for me. For example: Yesterday I wrote a Facebook status talking about how I only have myself in life. One of my friends sent me a text asking if I was okay. I said I was fine and changed the subject.

I always do that! How can I blame anyone for not being there for me when I'm the one who shuts them down? Until last night, for whatever reason, I never realized that I do that.

I also realized that at 20, I don't have it all figured out yet, and that's okay! It was a night of Epiphanies I tell ya!

-Ashley